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Saturday, 22 December 2012

If you believed the Mayans, you just got PUNKED!

Hello dear reader,

I am taking a week's break for the holiday season.

In the meantime, I would love to hear from you about what you have enjoyed about this blog, and what you haven't.

You can email me on danielgrantnewton @ gmail . com

Also, if you are looking for a good Christmas present for someone, you could be the coolest kid in class and buy someone The Last King of Shambhala for just $9.99, making them quiver in excitement, thereby causing a cataclysmic eruption that fulfils the Mayan prophecies!

Anyway, have a wonderful holiday season, best wishes to you, and see you in a week's time.

Daniel

This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

- T.S. Eliot

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Yes, it is time to buy a new calendar (to all my Mayan readers)


On Tuesday, I wrote to the survivors of the Mayan Calendar detailing to them a brief overview of my top 9 articles for 2011.  Now I am recording the articles for 2012.  

Perhaps one day when aliens have colonized this empty dead planet and they want to know about our culture, they will uncover the Internet in a Google Plus Tomb, dust off the ancient sands, and celebrate these masterpieces of human potential.

Goodbye world... until tomorrow when I post the next chapter of The Last King of Shambhala ... survivors, do not forget - a new chapter every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.



Top 9 Articles of 2012

Don't Shoot the Messenger


An online novel about a group of elite soldiers sent back in time to assassinate an illusive controversial historical figure, thereby making the world a better place.



Breaking Out of the 9-5 Cubicle

My journey in no longer ever working a 9-5 job again, and becoming a full time novelist and comic book artist.



My Michael Jackson Animation

My tribute (with Anabel and Colin) to the greatest performing artist the world has ever seen.



Exclusive Interview with Eirik Lodbrok

Lodbrok is a crazy character in my book The Last King of Shambhala, and he came into my blog to do an interview.  All I would like to say is that I don't want to be held responsible for ANYTHING he said!



Will my video make the new Star Wars movies?

A suggestion to George Lucas and the Cookie Monster.



Is your horse a unicorn?

5 ways to check.





The Greatest Band to never live mockumentary

Have you heard of KB and New Jinny?  No, probably not.  But they won Eurovision twice in the same year. Their music soothed a tiger shark with rabbies.  And they are so underground they can't be found in Wikipedia or a book with glowing pages.



A quirky announcement about my book being awesome

As Will Ferrel says in Anchorman, "I don't know how to put this, but I am kind of a big deal.  People know me." 



Novel Writing Hacks

One of the few times I am serious.  This article gives some great tips on writing YOUR next novel!

Monday, 17 December 2012

Note: This article is not so much for you, or my other blog readers. It is instead more for the survivors of the Mayan apocalypse...


Dear Survivor of the Mayan Apocalypse,

I write this to you three days before the end of the world happened.  Congratulations on surviving.  I'm sorry to hear about everyone else that died as a result of:
ninja zombies 
Facebook going offline 
Two and a Half Men re-runs 
Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez breaking up 

... the events surrounding Mayan calendar ending.

As a result I am taking my last breaths to document some of my blog articles for your historical record.  

The top articles from 2011 are below, those from 2012 I will include in a post on Thursday.  

I hope they help you navigate through this brave new (and presumably volatile) world.



9 Top articles from 2011



The Ninjas of My Blog and the 'About Me' Section



This explains why I do not yet have an about me section.  It also explains how ninjas get their names.



BE the Panda


Why you should "BE the Panda", and what "Panda-hood" means to you.





What if Google Cars was made into a movie?



And what if that Google Car movie got a review?





My secrets to blog success revealed.  I won't give them all away, but the first one is to remember to feed your dinosaur.



Answers questions like, what is an internet troll, how does one feed them, how does one spray themselves with anti-troll repellent.



Don't you hate jokes that rely on stereotypes?  They are so... stereotypical.  And this one makes fun of them.



Some rare lucid thoughts while reading an email on heart attacks.





What is says on the box.