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Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Is your horse a unicorn? 5 quick ways to check...


FAKE NEWS!  
5 quick ways you can tell if your horse has the potential to become a unicorn

Every horse trainer hopes one day to either win the Melbourne Cup, or have their mare birth a unicorn or Pegasus.  According to a groundbreaking book by mythological vet, Amanda Tapping (no relation to the Sanctury and Stargate star), there are a few telling signs to look out for when wondering whether your horse has magical tendencies.  


The book also details how to use lost/uncommon/ancient/scientific/forbidden/reiki techniques to encourage the protrusion of wings or a horn, the proper care for such a beast, and which quests to take them on and not to take them on.

Ms. Tapping, a mythological vet for 12 years (that is to say she both has been mythological herself AND has worked with mythological creatures for 12 years), believes that the real challenge is recognising which horses are closet unicorns.  Here are her 5 tips.

1) Does the head feel bumpy?  This is often a sign the horse is hiding a horn.

2) Does the horse talk? A lot of people disregard their horse talking in perfect diction as a 'phase', or they simply believe all horses talk.  This is not so.  If someone had recognised it earlier, 'Mr. Ed' could have been 'Mr. Magical Horse from Another Dimension with a Horn and/or Wings who also happens to Talk'.

3) Is your horse farting rainbows? This is a clear sign something is not ordinary about your horse. Especially if they are flying around the farmyard while they do this.  It might however mean you should not be deviating from typical horse food as much as you are.  In this case you need to take them to a vet or rub into their forehead the salty tears of a lost orphan manatee.

4) Has their been an ancient prophecy held in the family that one day a unicorn will be born in your barn? If not, but you would like a unicorn, perhaps make one today - it's not too late.  Alternatively if they were born on the same day as when all the celestial bodies in this galaxy came into perfect alignment, or a Harry Potter book was released, then they are almost certainly a unicorn.



5) Does your horse talk to elves, fairies, dwarves or ethereal beings?  This may or may not be understandable to your human ears, and the beings they are talking to may not be visible, but if you confront the horse about it, and it shakes its head or stamps its feet, then that is your confirmation.

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